Hullo! In conjunction with Father’s Day recently, ‘The Star’ (a Malaysian daily newspaper) carried articles about three fathers of special needs individuals (21 June 2009).
‘People say fatherhood is not for cowards. When three Malaysians found themselves gifted with special children, they could have chosen denial, indifference or escape. Instead, they stepped up to the plate.’
The first article (‘Stand and deliver’) was about Mr. Ong, whose ‘calm demeanour belies the enormous responsibility that comes with caring for two wheelchair bound children with cerebral palsy (CP)’.
After retiring at 52, Mr. Ong has ‘devoted his entire time to taking care of his two special children’. He and his wife also have another child, who is normal.
Excerpts from the article:
‘According to the Spastic Children’s Association (SCA) of Selangor and
‘In those early years, he and his wife did not want to believe that CP was something permanent; they kept hoping for a cure.’
‘But as they learnt more about CP, they finally understood and accepted the inevitable.’
‘“The important thing for CP sufferers is to continuously undergo physiotherapy and speech therapy, so that they can function and live more effectively,” Ong says.’
‘“When we entered our 40s, we realised the difficulties of caring for two CP children who were growing up. I have to carry both of them to the washroom…” adds Ong, who also volunteers at the SCA.’
‘“As a father I really need lots of patience. But as I grow older, I find that I have less of it. Sometimes I wonder why I get angry so fast; then I learn to calm down,” Ong admits.’
‘As for communication, he understands his children’s frustration and disappointment when they try to tell him something and he cannot understand them.’
‘Ong believes it is very important for parents of children with any disability to mix with similar parents and form a support group. It is crucial for them to talk about their special child and let their feelings out. “If you keep your feelings and your guilt in your heart, they will explode one day.”’
The second article, ‘Proud of Paralympic champ’ is about a 19-year-old who has been diagnosed with CP.
His father, Mustafa, says, “My wife and brother, and my two other children have accepted (his) disability. He is much loved.”
Excerpts from the article:
‘But even love does not lighten the daily routine of caring for a CP child.’
‘“My biggest worry is when we are both no longer around, and there is no one to care for him. Although we have saved some money for him, we can only hope that his siblings will help take care of him,” says Mustafa.’
‘Caring for a child with CP puts a person’s will and character to the test, Mustafa says. He knows of couples who split up because of the pressures involved. There are some who leave their children at home, with no access to therapy.’
‘He is glad that he has been able to take (his son) to the SCA. “It has helped incredibly in developing his self-esteem.” So much so that since he was 12, the boy has been representing
The boy has made his father extremely proud by winning gold and silver medals. A volunteer at the SCA says, “With his father’s love and support, which keeps him emotionally strong, we were able to nurture his talent.”
The third article (‘It’s about us, not our kids’) was about a 24-year-old with profound hearing loss and reduced mental development.
His father, Mr. Ng, ‘has had to juggle work with bringing up a special child. This means spending more time with (him) than his other kids, but it is a sacrifice everyone in the family knows he/she has to make.’
More excerpts from the article:
‘Ng takes his son swimming, out for meals and to the night market, and around the shopping malls. These may be routine with most families, but for those with special kids, going out requires a tremendous amount of effort, patience and care.’
‘“As he cannot hear or talk, he tends to make noises. When he’s loud, everyone turns to look. This is something we have to live with… it’s a lesson on pride for me.” Ng does a lot of apologising on behalf of (his son). He doesn’t mind, but he hopes people will understand when someone like him does something that is not perceived as “normal”.’
According to Ng, having a special child has taught him three important things: “I believe that God loaned him to us to humble my wife and me, to draw both of us closer together, and to place us in a world where we can be comfortable with people like (their son). Sometimes, he destroys things because he doesn’t know any better. The other day, I bought an iPod and he just took it apart. I have learnt not to have attachments to material things.”
Despite his disability, Ng’s son contributes back to society. ‘In the last two years, he has been working as a full-time volunteer at the Lovely Disabled Home in Petaling Jaya, for which he gets an allowance from the Welfare Department. He helps out in recycling work, which is how the home raises money.’
In the article, Ng shared how being a care-giver had, at one point in time, taken its toll on him: “One day a voice spoke to me, saying I was ashamed of my son. I broke down as I knew that was the truth, from God. The voice said (he) was a gift and that I should put up pictures of him in my home.”
‘Since then, Ng has learnt to appreciate how special his son really is.’
According to Ng, “The thing I’ve learnt most as a ‘special’ father is handling my pride and learning to be patient. The ability to relate to people like (his son) is a gift, and we’ve also become close to parents of special children.”
“We do worry about how he will be cared for after my wife and I are gone. It is not easy to expect our three other children to look after him. It’s a lifetime commitment fraught with challenges.”
‘Although there are homes where they can place (him) even now, Ng and his wife are adamant that “as long as we’re alive, we are his family and he stays with us.”’
Hmm… I found the articles quite insightful, and at times, poignant, and so I thought I’d share the excerpts. Hope you had a good Father’s Day! That’s all for now… take care!
~lm
1 comments:
another nice entry by lm... :)
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